


You'd Forgotten

by greekowl87



Series: Tumblr Prompts [31]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Episode: s09e19-20 The Truth, F/M, post ep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-29 23:29:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17817590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greekowl87/pseuds/greekowl87
Summary: Dealing with all those months away from each other, and now to be so close and on the run. A postep/missing scene of 'The Truth' I wrote. Hope you al enjoy.





	You'd Forgotten

**Author's Note:**

> I got this prompt. "9. Hand buried inside of your underwear, my name whimpered on your lips"
> 
> Not my usual cup of tea but hopefully it turned out okay.

You’d forgotten what it was like. To be near him. To have him in the passenger seat as you speed out Quantico and northern Virginia on all the backroads you spent discovering with him those few months after New Years when things seemed promising and hopeful.

You’d forgotten how much you had missed him and how much he steadied you. Just being here, sitting next to him. You remember how agonizing the past couple of months had been. At least during the abduction, you carried a part of him with you, feeling your son within you, wondering if he would look more like him than you. If he would develop that boyish smile or have your blue eyes. After he left in order to protect William, you still had that reminder of him. But then the day came you had to decide, alone, whether keeping William was worth the risk of his life.

Oh, how you wished he had been there when you signed the closed adoption papers. Each initial of ‘DKS’ burned like a brand to remind you of your failure. Failure to be a good mother at William. Failure to make your mother and family happy. A failure that you would one day have to look into Mulder’s eye and tell him that you gave William up. You thought of maybe that is why you had been abducted and God decided to take away your ability to conceive. You must have done something horribly, horribly wrong. That’s why He had decided to take Emily from you too. She suffered too much. That’s why He contorted and fixed it so that you had to give up William. You’d fail your last test. A sob escapes your lips and the sheer weight and emotion of the physical moment. You’d lost your son but find Mulder. Where’s the irony in that?

You bring the back of your hand to your mouth. A vain attempt to shield your true failures and weaknesses. Now’s not the time. You have to be strong. For him. He’s the one that needs you now. Despite failing everything else you have, the past nine years evaporating until all that’s left is him: you won’t fail Mulder like you did your son.

But the emotions. My God, those emotions you have kept hidden so long, walled behind the dam of your own heart…you can’t hide it anymore. You’ve tried to be strong for so long but you can’t. You’re just so tired. You glance at Mulder as his face is barely recognizable from the green dashboard lights of the SUV. You might catch a glimpse of the partner you knew you all pass under the occasional streetlight but fortunately, he hasn’t noticed yet. He didn’t hear you. You try to shake it off. Play it off as causal. Shake your head. Loosely push a random piece of hair behind your ear. Everything’s fine. He doesn’t need to know that your breaking from the inside out. But he does. He always knows. Mulder doesn’t need to be psychic; he’s always known. It doesn’t go unnoticed though.

He avoids looking at you and you keep your eyes trained on the road. But you feel it, for the first time in months (aside from that brief, rash moment in his jail cell), you feel him touch you and not out of obligation. Well, you try not to think of it like that. It could be because you’re so broken as it is and he feels like he needs to take care of you too. But he’s touching you. For the first time in months, he’s holding your hand.

“Mulder,” you try to say but his name comes out as another strangled sob.

It continues like this for miles.

You don’t know if you’ve been driving for an hour or twelve hours as you drive south through the Blue Ridge Mountains. It’s all beginning to blend together like those long trips on the road that you all would take during your cases except the silence is deafening. The only thing that you can hear is the engine. Your sobs had vanished somewhere along the state line between Virginia and North Carolina.

“Pull over, Scully,” he orders.

That’s the most he’s spoken since the breakout and as if on autopilot, you do as requested.

It’s a small scenic overlook. There had been no traffic for hours. Just you and him and the road. As soon as the car rolls to a stop, he’s already let go your hand and out of the car. Wait. What? It’s not supposed to be like this. What is he doing?

“Mulder.”

You get out behind him. You notice the scenic overlook faces the east and you are beginning to see the first light of a new sunrise. The reds, oranges, and purples in the sky remind you of the bruises, cuts, and orange jumpsuit he still wears. “I wasn’t going to come back for you,” he finally replies. “I thought…I thought it would be best…protect you and William. But I see you couldn’t even do that. I couldn’t do that.”

You blink.

“That’s how this conversation is going to go? You tell me you were never coming back and you finally blame everything that happened to William on me?”

Yes. Let that anger flood into you. At least you finally feel something because of the emotional numbness that has plagued you from the day you signed away your rights as a mother. 

“No,” he backtracks. He sighs and slams his fist into the side of SUV. All fight leaves him. “No. I didn’t mean it like that, Scully.”

Your fight is extinguished like the flickering of a match. “I missed you. So much, Mulder. I had given up hope.”

You had given up hope. Those nights after your mother learned of your decision. How truly alone you felt. You thought God had finally forsaken you now that you had failed your final test. He hated you and He hated everything you loved. You had let your thoughts drift to a darker place that you had never been before and sheer will and spite pushed you to continue on for Mulder. You still had Mulder to live for. But now look where that got you. No son. A partner who just admitted he had no intention of ever coming back to you. And now, to top it all off, you’re a fugitive.

“You still have time to make this right, Scully. For you. You can still get away from me. The next gas station. The next town. We’ll call Skinner and make something up. We’ll send you back to Georgetown, to your career, to your family. I can’t risk your safety because of me.”

“No.”

No, no, no. You aren’t losing him again. He’s not getting rid of you that easily.

“It’s not negotiable, Scully. I told you would be better off without me and I mean it.”

“You don’t get to decide what is best for me, Mulder! I am not leaving you again and risking you running off forever. Don’t you get it?”

He doesn’t. He doesn’t get it. Maybe he’s running away from you too because you gave up William and he can’t bear to face you. You understand that. But you aren’t letting him go because you love him and one crazy night after filled with champagne, Hollywood vegetarian zombies, and wild sex, you all made a promise to one another. You would never leave each other, in sickness and in health, to death do you part. You both recited the vows over drunken laughter and the mapping of each other’s bodies with endless kisses but you both meant it. Like hell you were going to break it.

“What?”

“I’m not letting you go. I have lost everything, Mulder. Our son, any hope for the future. It had gotten to the point where I believed I was truly alone. But you came back and I let myself hope again.”

“I never meant to come back,” he repeats.

“Accidents happen then,” you continue as your heart rushes to keep up, “but I’m not letting you get rid of me.”

He moves like a blur and suddenly he’s right there, invading your space. You have to tip your head back a little to retain eye contact. You can feel his breath on your face and the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. It’s been so long your body reminisces. Too long. His body must feel the same thing.

You grip his shoulder, digging your nails into the flesh. Please, your body begs. He surges against you and any pain from the impact of the SUV is ignored. One greedy arm comes around you and you cry out suddenly as his hand buries inside your underwear, making expert work of playing its favorite instrument, as he whimpers your name with such longing. It’s been so long you realize as tears trail down your cheeks. He’s here, holding you, controlling the sails with you on the waves building. You kiss him and try to burn this into your memory so you can recall it as effectively as every bone, pieces of muscle, and nerve in the human body. You want him to be a part of you. Forever.

“I’m so sorry,” he chokes. “I’m so sorry, Scully.”

“No,” you plead. He doesn’t pull away from you. He continues to play you with his expert hands. “I’m sorry about William but I can’t lose you, Mulder. Not again. I don’t think I could carry on.”

Your hands want to touch him too but settle for touching his hair and running them up and down his back. He won’t let you go. He nods hurriedly. “Okay, okay.”

There it is! Oh sweet, Jesus. A promise and an experience your hands had failed miserably to recreate at for the past year. There it is.

He holds you like your the most precious thing in the world and you are. He pulls back slightly and his kisses your forehead and then your lips, each a silent promise and affirmation. He pushes back your hair and rests his forehead against yours. “Just the two of us.”

“Always the two of us,” you echo.

He nods again. “Um, I should change and let me do the driving for a while, huh? One of us should rest.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Neither one of you move. “Do you remember that night in Hollywood, Mulder? With the champagne and being on the beach that night?”

“How could I forget?” A ghost of a smile manifests on his face. “I discovered sand in places I didn’t know existed.”

You smile at the happy memory. “Do you remember what I told you? Of what we promised each other?”

He nods after a moment. “I remember.”

“I don’t plan on breaking it.”

“Me either.”

You nod in satisfaction. “Clothes are in the back.”

“I’ll only be a minute, Scully.”

You watch him like one of his old exotic cryptids and you’re still afraid if you blink, he will vanish. But you feel a familiar warmth in your soul seep back into the desert as you watch him undress on the side of the road. You should be watching for cars or cops but you can’t take your eyes away as you silently trace his anatomy with a lover’s eyes recommitting everything to memory…you don’t remember him looking so lean, but it’s in a good way as you watch muscles flex and contract…new bruises and cuts from the Quantico guards you’re going to have to check eventually. The orange jumpsuit disappears into a black trash bag as he stands before you, a remnant of a previous life, dressed in jeans and a gaudy old t-shirt. You can’t help yourself. It’s just so long. You rush forward like you did in the jail cell and kiss him. He holds onto you and is never going to let go. You turn to watch the sunrise while still in his arms and for the first time in a long time, you let yourself feel hopeful. The whole world is against you but you feel hopeful.

“Let’s get going, Scully.”

“Yeah.”

In the SUV again, Mulder carefully pulls out back onto the road. He finds some old classical music on the radio station because he remembers you like driving with it. You have the jacket he had been wearing and fold it up to use as a pillow. He gives you a weak smile out of the corner of your eye. “I’ll wake you when breakfast is close.”

He takes your hand again as he drives not letting go. You let yourself go and relax into a catnap knowing that he’s close and you’ll be right there with him.


End file.
